


Don't lose your head.

by harrysbabyboo



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Brian May - Freeform, Cheating, Deacury, Drug Use, Drugs, Freddie Mercury - Freeform, Gen, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, John Deacon - Freeform, Mental Breakdown, Roger Taylor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:16:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrysbabyboo/pseuds/harrysbabyboo
Summary: "In 1986 John Deacon 'destroyed' his bass by angrily throwing it at the amplifier."-Or the one where Freddie promised to protect him always, until he doesn't. John spirals out of control and after destroying his on bass after their last show of Queen's 1986 tour, Freddie has a chat with him.





	Don't lose your head.

**1973**

"To her majesty's first ever chart hit! May we have many more successes in the years to come!" Brian cheers as the four boys clink their glasses of champagne together with laughs and whoops of excitement.

"We'll be mingling with the mega stars soon Fred! Just you wait, Elton, The Beatles, the lot!" John giggles, swaying slightly into the eldest member of Queen, Freddie, who holds him steady with a fond smile on his lips as he leans down to kiss his cheek.

"Course we will darling, and they'll love you! They'l love all of us, we're gonna be living the ultimate rock star lifestyle." Freddie pulls both himself and the bassist down onto the couch, who by nature, snuggles into the warm embrace of the singer with another giggle.

"Sex n drugs n rock and rolllllll." John slurs dramatically and Roger laughs at that, tearing himself away from his conversation with Brian briefly to beam at the other two members. 

"Hm, I'm happy with sex and rock and roll love, but I'm not sure about the drugs, especially for you darling, you're such a smart boy, drugs would be wasted on you." Freddie suddenly looks serious as he brushes some hair away from Deaky's face, who in turn, pouts.

"And you won't do any either Fred?" There's an innocence in his voice that makes Freddie's protective exterior soften. Deaky was like his little brother and he'd do anything for him, just as he knew the youngest would do anything for him.

"Course not angel, I'll be too busy looking after you, always." He links their hands together, giving Deaky's a small squeeze, like a silent promise that he meant every word he said.

 

**1986**

As the old saying goes, promises are made to be broken. To give him credit, Freddie did  _try_ to keep to his word. He protected John as much as he could, but, times had changed. John now had a wife and children, he wasn't the shy teen boy from all those years ago and just as he had predicted, with fame, came sex, rock and roll, and drugs too. 

Ironically, Freddie was the first to do a line of coke with Elton, then Bowie showed him pills, then Lennon showed him the wonders of both the drugs to bring you up, and the drugs to bring you down. That's the thing about fame. One by one, each member relied on drugs to get them through the day, they lived their separate lives and so no one was there to stop Deaky from spiraling.

It had been a long, hard tour full of arguments and disagreements both in and outside the bands. Brian even admitted during an interview that they'd all been struggling with their marriages. The four boys had grown apart and rarely spoke to each other when not on stage and John had taken to spending his time with his roadies instead, and that's where the trouble started for the youngest in the band. 

Despite what many thought, and despite the experience he had, John was still very impressionable. So without Brian to tell him when he had gone too far, or Roger telling him to slow down, or Freddie there to keep an eye on what he's drinking, John spiraled. It started small. His roadies would make sure he always had a few drinks  during the show to keep his momentum up. Then came the long nights of partying and drinking after their shows, when John would barely have time to wake up before having to get ready for the next show. Then he found he was getting tired from his constant cycle and so he was given all sorts of drugs to keep him awake. Then, to top it all off, his roadies were getting him so wasted he began to sleep with other people, men, women, and the thing was, he loved his wife with all his heart, yet wasn't aware of his own actions and it ended up destroying his marriage.

It was the final show of the tour, John's body ached in every which way and he was prepared never to tour again. He wasn't alone in his thoughts, however, as he hears Roger and Freddie screaming at one another from the communal area John rubs his temples as he comes in.

"THE FUCK YOU MEAN LAST TOUR?" He hears Roger shout as he sits down. Putting a hand out, he's passed a cigarette and  lighter. Twizzling the fag between his fingers he looks up at the guy who gave it to him. "Special one." he winks at John, who smirks, lazily putting the laced cigarette in his mouth as he lights it , taking a drag as he listens to his two band mates argue. Blowing the smoke out, he hears a loud cough next to him and he rolls his eyes, looking over at Brian questionably.

"Fucking hell Deaks, whats in that ? Smells bloody awful." The guitarist scrunches his nose up in disgust as he watches the younger take another drag. "Lighten up Brimi, s'just a little something to get me through the last concert hmm?" He winks, missing the look of concern on Brian's face as a chair barely misses him, Roger being the culprit as Freddie swears loudly at him. "COULD OF FUCKING KILLED ME YOU TWAT!" Freddie shouts at him. 

Just as Roger gets ready to go again, the stage manger calls them on stage. Finishing the last of his cigarette, John jumps up, turning to his roadie to put his bass on as he walks out on the stage. 'One more show.' he thinks to himself. 'Just one more show.' The bassist sighs as he plasters a fake smile on, waving to the crowd.

Half way through the show, John's struggling, missing cues, blacking out every once in a while and messing up on songs he knows like the back of his hand. The lights dim momentarily and Brian walks over to him.

"The fuck's up with you tonight Deaky?" He hisses but John ignores it, seeing his roadie beckon him over to the side. "Have a line darling, it'll wake you up in no time, perfect performance." John nods, quickly sniffing the coke as he cricks his neck and gets back on sage, feeling the effects of the drug almost immediately as he carries on with the show.

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. It was the end of the show when the bassist's vision began to blur and the ringing in his ears got too loud for him to handle. As if his body was on autopilot, John lets out a frustrated scream as he lifts his bass up, smashing it against the amplifier as it breaks, pieces of wood flying everywhere. The crowd goes silent as John runs off stage and the other three look at each other. "and uh... we have been Queen, GOODNIGHT!' Freddie calls as God Save The Queen plays, the band members wasting no time running off stage.

It's Freddie who finds him first, the youngest is crouched behind the couch, pulling at his hair as hysterical sobs wrack through his body. Freddie feels his heart break as he watches his life long brother break down in front of him.

"Johnny?" Freddie says quietly and the boy looks up tentatively. Freddie stayed put unsure if he should go near the younger in his current state.

"F-Fred." John lets out a pained sob and Freddie walks over in two strides, sitting down and letting John clamber into his lap, stroking his hair cooing softly. 

"I've got you sweetheart, take some deep breaths for me, can you do that?" Freddie guides John, who tries his hardest to match his best friend's breathing.

Once John had calmed down,  Freddie pulls him close again, kissing his forehead. "I think you and I need a little chat darling." He puts a soothing hand on John's hip, who sniffles a little with a nod. At that moment, it was like looking at the nineteen year old boy Freddie had sworn to protect all those years ago.

There's a knock at the door and whilst John doesn't bother looking up, Freddie does, his eyes meeting both the concerned gazes of Brian and Roger. "uh." Brian gulps slightly. "We've fired all of Deaky's roadies." He says quietly and John turns at that. 

"You did w-what?" He stammers out feeling sick to his stomach.

"They weren't doing their job properly Johnny. They should be looking after you, not feeding you every drug under the sun." Roger says softly but firmly and John whimpers into Freddie's chest.

"Thank you boys. We'll all have a chat when he's better." Freddie dismisses them quietly before holding onto John's shaking hand. "Lets sit on the couch darling. You can still cuddle me if you would like." Without much protest, John does as he's told, snuggling into Freddie straight away.

"I'm sorry." John says quietly, the bitter sting of tears threatening to spill from his eyes again. "I'm sorry." Freddie repeats the former's words and John tenses.

"Why are you saying sorry Fred? I'm the one who went too far." This time, John does let the tears fall as Freddie kisses the top of his head. "I broke my promise to you dearest." Freddie's words are quiet, yet full of pain and anger towards himself. "I promised to always look after you and I didn't and now look where we are." The statement is full of bitterness and spite, none of it aimed at John as tears fall.

"We've made quite a mess of ourselves haven't we Fred?" John sniffs quietly. "Did you mean what you said when you said this would be our last tour?" Freddie couldn't help noticing the hope in John's tone and he felt his heart break once again.

"I think it's for the best my love." Freddie strokes John's are with his thumb. "We need to focus on building ourselves back up again sweetheart. Tour has killed the heart of who we are, we need our brotherhood back again, we need to be there for each other, we need to focus on our happiness, before we consider the fans and managements happiness." Freddie rambles on and John nods understandingly. 

"I need to get help Fred, a-and I think you do too, and maybe even Rog and Bri. You're right, we're a family and right now our family is broken and it's gonna take more than just us to fix it." There's a determination in his words and Freddie pulls the man in protectively.

"I promise darling, we'll get through this. I love you so much John I'm so sorry." Tears fall, mixing into John's tangled hair. 

"I love you so much Fred. You're still my big brother after all these years, never forget that." John yawns slightly, snuggling into Freddie's warm embrace as he closes his eyes.

Freddie sits there frozen, his eyes trained to the wall as silent tears fell. He promised to look after John and he failed. He promised to protect John and he failed. He was a failure and he would never forgive himself in years to come.

 

 

 


End file.
